Ramblings of a College Undergrad...

Have you ever felt that your life wasn't going anywhere? that if you didn't do the extreme that you were just going to get sucked back into your old life? That's where I am right now...stuck and wondering if i'm ever going to make anything of myself. I've let the spirit die inside of me and wondered if i'm ever going to revive it for a life worth living.

I actually have to decide now if i'm going to make something of myself. it's scary. i want to cry. yell. scream...defy the gravity that holds me down to one thing. i want to run free but it all seems to be shot down by the fact that i need money to run wild and free. if i have a job to support my expenses then i dont have time to do what i want but if i don't work i can do anything at all. so why dont i get paid to do what i want? like travel? well i could. there's this cool opportunity for me to go to South Korea for a year...teaching English and actually getting PAID to do it...wow right? yeah but that would tie me down too wouldn't it? but i guess i'm still doing what i want...lol how strange...okay well let's see...I want to sing and make money doing that...but i'm not that great...i mean seriously i wouldn't consider myself a super-star...i'm definitely flawed...but i can at least try...i can stay in here for the summer...try out for American Idol like i was told my a music producer to do and see where that takes me...if that doesn't work out...i'll flee the country...hmm...not a bad idea...thing is...i have a fear for rejection...will that stop me? probably not...lol!

Then there's the option to go back home...be with my family for the summer...try out for American Idol...then go on a really awesome trip to South Korea...all within the next few months...this could happen...i guess it's all in my hands...pretty much i'm just rambling cause i dont know exactly what I want to do...it's seriously doesn't matter too much to me...as long as i can pay my bills and eventually get a job in what i went to school for...it's all up in the air...

lol.

graduation countdown: 37 days...
o...and i got my cap and gown...woohoo... :-P
and my invitations came in today as well...